Sex wine: the wine you buy at the newsagent (or the nearest shop that’s open and sells wine) on the way home with the person you have pulled
That’s right: we have rounded up bottles of plonk that don’t make you look like a tight arse, have some comedy value, and are palatable, even if it’s 99.9% likely that you’ll pour a glass and not drink it.
Campo Veijo Tempranillo
The one with the yellow label. It looks a lot classier than it is. If dating apps have taught us anything, it’s that what you see isn’t always what you get…
Between £7.50 – £10
La Vieille Ferme
Commonly known as Chicken Wine or basic bitch juice. Guaranteed to impress TikTokers.
Between £8.49 – £9.50
Buckfast Tonic Wine
The monks’ wine, popular with Scottish hooligans, cliché Claptonites, and middle-class “working-class” wannabes.
Between £8.99 – £10.75
Whispering Angel or Lady A
The light, interchangeable Provence rosés that the Essex girlies and gays love.
From £18.50
Chin Chin
For when you’re trying to prove you’re still cool and relevant. It punches well above its weight.
From £11.75 – £13.95
Mateus Rosé
The Portuguese pink fizz that was surely the first wine everyone got into, straight out of alcopops.
From £6.25 – £7
Don’t be a big man: buy cheap sex wine and you’ll thank us. Save the DILF bottles for the next day, or the first date. Until then, keep it simple, and, most importantly, available within a five-minute radius.
