It’s not just about the mouth, though. You can use your hands or even toys to heighten sensation – and not just on your partner’s dick. “Let your hands wander everywhere and anywhere,” Adora continues. “If my hand isn’t on their cock, I’m playing with their balls, asshole, holding their hand, or grazing their thighs or arms. Any extra touch is going to elevate the experience. You can use toys as an ‘extension’ of the mouth, too, to jerk off the base of the shaft.” Adora recommends a double-ended stroker like Fleshlight’s Quickshot Vantage.
Receiving
You don’t need much technique when you’re receiving – you can, pretty much, just focus on enjoying it. But whatever you do with your hands while you’re getting head – stroking your partner, stroking yourself, knitting a winter pullover – do not, under any circumstances, fold them behind your own head and lie there like a paying customer. Your hands should be active. Touch your partner, lock fingers, stroke their hair, place your hands on their back or hips so you can feel the rhythm of their body. Above all, don’t reach for your phone.
Read your partner’s body
Giving
“Different cocks respond to different stimulation,” says LTM. “To maximise sexual pleasure, you have to read your partner’s body: feel their muscles tense and relax, and listen out for involuntary noises that will give away what’s really working.” Variety and consistency are key. “You should switch it up for sure, but not just randomly,” he continues. “Once you find something that works, stick with it for a while. Observe whether you’re getting him closer and closer, or whether the pleasure has plateaued. Some guys want you to go faster and faster; for others, the slower you go, the more likely they are to climax.”
Receiving
Again, when receiving it’s all about being tuned into your partner’s pleasure. If you want to thrust or manoeuvre their head, think about (or even better: ask) whether they’ll like it. If they’re not in control of the gagging, it can really hurt them and mean they’ll want to stop. “Start gentle,” says Collins. “If they respond well, then you can get a bit more assertive. If they don’t seem keen, then hold off.”
Practice, practice, practice
Giving
Like with everything, to get really good at giving head, you just have to do it a lot. Practice is particularly important for more advanced blow job techniques, like deep-throating. “It can be quite fun to see if you can get a whole banana in and out of your mouth unscathed,” says LTM. “The biggest part of this challenge is mind over matter. If you think you will gag – you definitely will. So, believe in your ability to control your own throat muscles and they won’t let you down.”
Although it might be fun to practice, LTM says that, despite what hardcore porn might have you believe, not everyone likes deep-throating. “For many, it can be really quite painful as you try to force the most sensitive part of their body into a space that is very much too small for it,” he explains. “Also be aware that your loud gagging noises might be a turn on for some, but a major turn off for others.”
Receiving
You don’t necessarily have to practise receiving – in fact, it might be kind of weird if you did. But, the more blow jobs you get, the more confident you’ll get in your responses to them, and the more emboldened you’ll feel to ask for what you want. Specifically: get moving, moaning, and panting. Show them you’re a) alive and b) enjoying it. They’ll get off on your enthusiasm. Show them or tell them what you like. Compliment them if it’s good. If there’s something not right, then just ask them to be gentler (or harder), but in a way that sounds like you’re in the moment, rather than telling them off.
What happens at the end?
Giving
“When your partner is about to climax, keeping the same consistent rhythm is key to pushing them over the edge,” says Adora. “Keep focused on what you’re doing and don’t stop.”