However, in one of the most powerful and brutal moments of TV this year, episode four flashes back in time and reveals – with what is in effect an extended jump scare – the main reason for Donny’s conflicted behaviour towards Martha: he is just as vulnerable a person as her, as he has previously been groomed and raped by a man he considered a friend. The leftfield turn halfway through the series takes viewers right to the source of Donny’s psychological turmoil, and answers the question Martha perceptively asks him early on: “someone hurt you, didn’t they?”.
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Set up as a self-deprecating side-story about Donny struggling as a comedian at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival, the episode builds with a creeping dread as we’re introduced to Darrien (Tom Goodman-Hill), a TV industry writer who offers to help Donny make his way into the higher echelons of the comedy world; but who instead plies him with drugs. While Donny is passed out at his flat, Darrien sexually assaults him for the first time. In a further shocking scene, on another occasion, Darrien rapes him. Such is the power that Darrien wields over Donny in his coercive abuse, Donny feels he can’t leave. “I would love to say I left,” Donny says in the voiceover, “that I stormed out and never went back. But I stayed for days afterwards. On Monday I got an eye infection and lay on his floor and he bathed it in salt water. On Tuesday I fed his cat while he took phone calls.”
The shame and disgust Donny feels then seeps outwards into all areas of his life, and the rest of the episode chronicles his vivid descent into sexual recklessness caused by PTSD, putting himself in danger multiple times in a bid to counteract his confusion and self-loathing. Once again, this story comes from Gadd’s own life: in his 2016 theatre show Monkey See, Monkey Do, he detailed how a man he met at a party went on to rape him.
The brilliant show it recalls
The aftermath of sexual assault has rarely been shown so rawly and viscerally on television – in parts Baby Reindeer feels like a horror film – and Gadd is courageously open and honest about the devastating experience, and deft in translating the complexities of the situation for a TV audience. In some ways, Baby Reindeer is reminiscent of Michaela Coel’s genre-defining 2020 series I May Destroy You, in which she also fictionalised her real-life rape at the hands of a stranger, and the terrible toll of that event psychologically on her. Both series offer a uniquely powerful perspective in having their writers cast themselves in a story based on their assault – in a way that Coel has referred to as “cathartic” and Gadd has described as “the best therapy for me, it’s kind of been a lifesaver”.
“Sharing traumatic experiences in a supportive environment can facilitate ‘cognitive processing’ of the event, which allows individuals to make sense of what happened and integrate it into their autobiographical memory,” says psychologist and broadcaster Emma Kenny of this form of creative expression. “This process helps to reframe the trauma in a way that is less distressing and disruptive to one’s sense of self and worldview. It can also serve as a form of ‘externalisation’, where victims receive empathy, validation, and support from others, reinforcing their sense of self-worth and reducing feelings of isolation and shame. This social support can buffer against the negative impact of trauma and promote resilience.”
In both shows, though, the characters’ journey with their trauma finishes on an ambiguous note. While Coel’s I May Destroy you alter-ego Arabella descends into a fantasy world in the final episode of the show, imagining the different ways she would react if she came face to face with her rapist, ultimately she never gets that opportunity. Donny does, however, visting Darrien towards the end of Baby Reindeer, presumably with the intention of confronting him about the rape. But just as Arabella fails to get the neat ending to her ordeal that she fantasises about, Donny too is denied his rapist’s accountability, and the ability to tie up all the loose ends neatly for his own closure. Instead, Darrien pretends like nothing is wrong, gaslighting Donny and quickly reasserting his hold over him again.
