*Contains spoilers for Missing You*

When you watch a Harlan Coben drama you expect to be shocked, confused, and filled with thoughts of “how did I not see that coming?” thanks to its multiple twists and turns. But moved? It’s not that sort of show. But all that changed when Missing You dropped on our screens on New Year’s Day, and easily became the most poignant of all Coben’s Netflix adaptations.

After five episodes spent finding out what really happened when her dad Clint (Lenny Henry) was murdered 11 years ago, detective Kat Donovan (Rosalind Eleazar) finally learns the truth. As the penny drops, a flashback scene reveals Kat’s best friend Aqua had an honest and moving conversation with Clint about his sexuality shortly before his death.

In the “tender” and “pivotal” moment, as actress Mary Malon describes it, we see her character Aqua stumble upon Clint and his lover Parker (Cyril Nri) having a quarrel in the street. She races home, but is quickly followed by Clint who threatens Aqua, terrified she will tell Kat and his wife Odette the truth. Aqua attempts to connect with Clint over their commonality, sharing some powerful words in the process. While it works momentarily, the tragedy that follows causes ripple effects for the rest of the characters more than a decade later.

David Reiss

The impact of the powerful scene has been clear on social media and with fans alike, so we caught up with Mary Malone to discuss what went into making Missing You’s ending – and the importance of her line: “I know what you’re going through.”


Cosmo UK: Hey Mary. As mentioned – that line has really resonated with people. Why did Aqua say it during the pivotal final scene?

Mary Malone: It’s a tender moment from Aqua. She sets a beautiful example of acceptance and care. She wants to show Clint he’s not alone, that it’s ok to be who he is and that there are people who will love and accept him. I guess she’s extending her hand to show him there is a community of people like him.

As queer people, we can feel so isolated and alone. It’s no wonder it’s hard for Clint to be visible given everything he thinks he has to lose, but also given the world we live in. Queer and trans people are so often demonised, so it’s important for Aqua to support him.

It’s an incredible conversation, because it shows us how queer and trans liberation really would benefit everyone, including people like Clint. It would benefit DL (‘Down Low’, i.e. men who are closeted or not open about their queer relationships) men, men who are our friends, our fathers and our brothers. It effects more people than we even know.

There’s an amazing podcast by trans artist Mya Mehmi called Straight No Chaser, where she speaks candidly with DL men about their experiences. It’s incredibly powerful, educational, hilarious and moving, and totally inspired me during this scene. It’s a rare opportunity to listen in on conversations that could create huge change.

Taking it back to the beginning of that scene. What is going through Aqua’s mind when she sees Clint with Parker?

It’s a mixture of feelings for Aqua. Of course, it’s something she could do without knowing – the fact that her best friend’s dad is having an affair. Obviously this is unwelcome news, and something that she knows will break Kat and Odette’s hearts. But then there’s the fact that Aqua now knows Clint is queer, which is something I suppose she could never have guessed would connect her to him. Suddenly, they share something in common.

We see two queer people living totally different lives. Aqua, living her life completely as herself, authentic and open. And then Clint, closeted, hiding, full of shame but also longing for freedom to love who he loves. I think Aqua knows to walk away when she sees Clint with Parker because as queer people, we know it’s not our responsibility to ‘out’ people. We know how challenging it is to be visible, and I think out of respect she doesn’t want Clint to know she has seen him with Parker…but then of course she also just doesn’t want to be involved with the mess of Clint’s affair.

I mean no-one wants to be the one to find that out right? It’s like holding onto a bomb and you’re trying to keep it from exploding.

Netflix

Aqua then rushes home, where she’s chased by Clint, who demands she lets him in. Why does she eventually decide to open the door?

To start with there is definitely fear. She’s not stupid, and as a trans woman she’s aware how DL men can turn on us. From the experience of many trans women, DL men can be the most dangerous when they feel their truth is under threat, or that they will be ‘outed’ by someone, which speaks volumes about toxic masculinity and how society operates for queer people.

But ultimately, Aqua knows Clint well. He is the father of her best friend, and he is begging her to open the door. She hears he is desperate and she has a kind and generous heart. I don’t think Aqua is capable of leaving him outside in the pain he was in. I think in this moment she trusts Clint and knows he needs her help. I think there’s hope that she could convince him to make it right, and she could help soothe his shame. And so she opens the door…

When Aqua tells Clint “I know what you’re going through,” He responds with “you can be who you want, love who you want”…

And I believe the line continues “you’ve had it easy”. It’s such a projection from Clint. Trans women often become a mirror for people to project everything they want to be but feel they can’t be. Aqua is so free, which I think Clint is jealous of, but he doesn’t acknowledge the strength it will have taken her to get there.

Trans people have to fight a lot for their existence. The BBC found it would take 10 years to clear the backlog of people waiting for first appointments in gender care. So its safe to say, Aqua has most definitely not had it easy. She responds “You have no idea what I’ve had to do to get here” and later tells Clint, “It’s your life. It’s your choice how you choose to live” reminding him that it is his responsibility how he lives his life, and to also encourage him to choose to be his authentic self. It’s juicy and very gay!

What conversations were you and the team having ahead of shooting this scene?

I had lots of meetings with script consultant and trans writer Elijah W Harris where we presented our thoughts and collaboration with Victoria Asare-Archer (the series’ writer) which were generously received. It was important to us all to make the scene feel authentic to the experience of queer and trans people, but also to contextualise the scene for the world we live in today. To ensure it feels realistic so that queer and trans people can feel seen, heard and held by the events that follow.

We really interrogated it all, like why Aqua opens the door, the specifics of language used, and then of course to be sensitive to the events that follow the scene.

Finally, what response from viewers have you had about this scene?

It seems to be a particularly impactful scene for a lot of people who watched the show. Of course, it’s the final twist of the series so it’s a particularly gag-worthy moment!

But I also think it is a scene that is thought provoking for so many. It raises awareness and honours the truth that we live in a world where there is so much violence against queer people, particularly trans women.

I hope it encourages viewers to look out for the Aquas in the world, to extend love and support to the queer community, because that’s exactly what Aqua would have needed.

If you’ve been impacted by the topics raised in this piece, reach out to Switchboard on 0800 0119 100 for support

Editors note: DL or “down-low” refers to “gay and bisexual men who live their lives pretending to be straight, refusing to come out, or living in denial.” It’s worth noting sometimes DL is “less of a choice and more of a necessity for many gay men,” as “people who don’t feel safe coming out or living as their authentic selves will decide it’s easier for them to be down-low — whether that’s true or not”. The term is believed to have come to prominence in the early 2000s when J.L. King appeared on the Oprah show and discussed his book On the Down Low: A Journey Into the Lives of “Straight” Black Men Who Sleep with Men.

Image credits: Photography by David Reiss, styling by Mia Maxwell and Samantha Lange, hair and makeup by Jackie Saundercock

Missing You is available on Netflix now

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