Celebrating a year as a Lanes resident, The Witchez restaurant has retained its original spooky yet cozy atmosphere and hearty family-style cooking in its excellent new property location.
When you arrive at the dimly lit entrance, you’ll be asked to ring the doorbell and summon a witch to welcome you inside. Although our hearts sank a little that our welcoming witch wasn’t actually dressed as one, this gives the restaurant a chance to play with the haunted theme without veering into gimmicky territory.
As we walk through their gothic staging area and into the candlelit restaurant, we are immediately immersed in a dark yet warm aesthetic. Inspired by Dracula’s castle, the windows are draped and draped with heavy red curtains, blocking out the hustle and bustle of central Brighton and stopping for diners.
Every inch of the homey dining room is covered in owners Ewelina Kus and Zaneta Vaughan-Spruce’s family mementos of Halloween parties and après ski vacations, restored vintage portraits and haunted house photos of screaming ghosts following your every step. Even the tops of the walls have not been forgotten, as silent films from the beginning of the 20th century are shown throughout the evening.
Witchez’s menu has plenty of food
The menu is dominated by the Polish and German roots of the owners and close friends Ewelina and Zaneta. As well as their love of eating across the European Alps – Ewelina is not a fan of heat or tropical climates. (Side note: the design of the restaurant’s name, “WitchEZ,” cleverly echoes the duo’s first names.)
Head chef Zaneta’s self-taught family cooking style shines here, and that’s before you notice the sheer size of the portions on offer. They don’t do things by halves at The Witchez. They want to offer a hearty meal, manager Lilly explained, one that mimics the portion size found at home. So you’ve been warned: wear stretchy pants.
Their formula works like magic, and a large number of regular diners visit The Witchez to enjoy their native cuisine. Lilly explains how the regulars affect the menu changes or the lack of them. Witchez’s goal is not to offer constantly changing seasonal offerings, but rather to offer comfort and consistency to its customers.
As for drinks, the drink Book offers plenty of mythical themed cocktails and mocktails. And if that’s not enough, a thoughtful “witch” will bring you tarot cards so you can leave your cocktail selection up to fate. Our destiny came in the form of a midsummer spritz, a perfect blend of elderflower, cucumber, lemon and Prosecco, providing a light accompaniment to the hearty meal to come.
When we found out that our Witchez server eats “Little Hooves” on a daily basis, it quickly became clear that a table serving of this Polish native dish is a must. The potato wedges were smothered in a warming Polish beef stew and enough pickles to cause shortages at the surrounding burger chains. We know what you’re thinking, potato dumplings and beef stew when it’s not even cold outside? Trust us, Witchez’s dimly lit fall atmosphere will really mess with your senses.
After hearing our table neighbors moan quite publicly inappropriately while eating pierogi, it would have been criminal not to try them. There was sauerkraut and mushroom and mashed potatoes and cheddar cheese. Don’t panic, dear carnivores: these were sprinkled with plenty of Polish sausage.
When we moved to Bavaria, we enjoyed an impossibly large low-fried chicken cutlet. In addition to the powerful dill mashed potatoes and spicy mustard, there was a bowl of fresh tomato salad, which offered a much-needed respite from the three different types of potatoes we were enjoying.
We were once again dealt tarot cards to decide our dessert fate, and when the crumble card was flipped, we knew fate was on our side. In accordance with the promise of family portions, a Keittokulho of berry crumble and a jug of warm custard were placed in front. The included oat cracker pieces served as a crumbly filling, so it was a playful take on a familiar dessert. However, we can argue that there is a playful edge to everything The Witchez do.
From design to dining
Ewelina and Zaneta founded The Witchez in 2007 as a graphic and website design company. Their witch theme came from a comment from a friend who shared their love of Halloween parties, and oh boy, did they run with it.
Their shared dream was to open a restaurant serving traditional domestic food, they married both passions and also used the restaurant to showcase their photography and graphic design creations.
Originally located in Kemptown, the small 14-table dining room couldn’t outgrow their success, so they moved to the Lanes in 2023. Ewelina and Zaneta renovated the old Choccywoccydoodah site themselves and put their creative stamp on the building. In particular, this included installing speakers in the bathroom so that you are met with tortured screams when going to the bathroom. You have been warned again.
Witchez’s mission is simple: give people a different dining experience and fun. We can heartily confirm that they are succeeding on both fronts. But we have to stress: even if the scary theater experience were stripped away, we’d still go back to family-style cooking on our own. Regardless, it’s the perfect place for a Halloween dinner – our reservation is already confirmed.
3 Meeting House Lane, Brighton, BN1 1HB
thewitchez.co.uk
